What happened to the plant in math class?      
It grew square roots.   

Why did the school kids eat their homework?      
Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake.   

Why wont the shrimp share its treasure?      
Because its shellfish.   

What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?      
An investigator.   

How do mountains see?      
They peak.   

What kind of bird always forgets the words to songs?      
A hummingbird.   

Why do cows have bells?      
Because their horns dont work.   

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?      
Give me my quarter back.   

What creature is smarter than a talking bird?      
A spelling bee.   

How does the ocean say hello?      
It waves.   

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?      
In case he got a hole in one.   

Why was the belt arrested?      
Because it was holding up some pants.   

What did one eye say to the other?      
Something between us smells.   

What gets wet while its drying?      
A towel.   

Why did the kid cross the playground?      
To get to the other slide.   
 
How do you make a lemondrop?      
Just let it fall.   

What kind of tree fits in your hand?      
A palm tree.   

What is worse than raining cats and dogs?      
Hailing taxis.   

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?      
A buck an ear.   

What building has the most stories?      
The library.   

How are false teeth like stars?      
They come out at night.   

What do you call a boomerang that wont come back?      
A stick.   

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?      
Because the chicken hadnt been born yet.   

Why didnt the skelton go to the dance?      
Because he had nobody to dance with.   

Why didnt the orange win the race?      
Because it ran out of juice.   

What did 0 say to 8?      
Nice belt.   

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?      
A walkie talkie.   

Why was 6 mad at 7?      
Because 7 8 9.   

What kind of vegetable is angry?      
A steamed carrot.